You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
