Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
