I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
