There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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