her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
