Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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