id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
