everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
