I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
