I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize