Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
