I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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