Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
