My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This baby is an asshole
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
