im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i believe in u and ur pee
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
