I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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