Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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