I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
