well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I AM VODKA MAN
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
