This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
third nipple confirmed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize