i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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