you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
