I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
