im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had sex on a roof
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
