five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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