Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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