i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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