i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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