chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
