I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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