yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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