Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
