I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize