apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
