Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
