i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Congratulations! We have a period
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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