apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
