Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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