Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
