Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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