NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
