So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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