Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
