it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
