What did we do last night that was yellow?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
