very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
