So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
