if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
