Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My breasts were aching with rage.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
