College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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