i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
