i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize