His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
