forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
