oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
