i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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