Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
