He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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