Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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