someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
