After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
