dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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