so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
