My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
where am i from again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
